Sir, We Have an Orc Problem Turrets
Seven turrets and four abilities, with the numbers players have actually measured rather than the ones the store page implies.
All 4 Click Abilities and Their Damage Numbers
Missile launcher, strafing run, nuke and orbital cryo beam in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: uses per map, damage, radius and how to budget them.
All 7 Turrets in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem
Max-level DPS, penetration, range and special behaviour for all seven turrets, from a player-measured stat sheet with the date it was taken.
5 Beginner Mistakes in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem
Common early mistakes in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: overspending on one turret, front-lining the tesla coil, hoarding missiles, and a placement bug to know.
Cannon in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: Penetration First
Cannon stats, why its 31 penetration is the highest number in the game, how to angle it along the orc path, and the level where a cannon line stops scaling.
Flamethrower in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: The Buff Turret
Flamethrower stats, why 0.6 damage per tick is not the point, the pierce-retention effect, and the two achievements players clear with it as a main turret.
Sir, We Have an Orc Problem Glossary: A
Every turret, ability, achievement name and mechanic term used across this guide, defined in one place with links to the page that explains it in full.
Grenade Launcher in Orc Problem: The 60% Slow Explained
Grenade launcher stats, why the 60% slow and 30% damage bonus beat its detonation damage, and the branch most published hard-level layouts assume you have.
Gunner in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: Fast but Shallow
Gunner stats, why 24 shots per second is misleading at 3 penetration, the gunners-only clear of 4.2, and why this site cannot agree on which role it fills.
Laser in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: Bounces and Range
Laser stats, how 15 bounces turn a corridor into a kill box, the flat-section problem that wastes a bad angle, and the patch that changed how it fires.
Mortar in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: Knockback, Not Damage
Mortar stats, why its 28 m blast and knockback can hold a chokepoint shut, the shrapnel breakdown, and the two placements players have documented for it.
The Orc Flow Mechanic: Why Killing Early Doesn't Work
Orcs in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem move like fluid, not a queue. Why killing before a chokepoint fails, and how three players found the same fix independently.
Tesla Coil in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem: Full Breakdown
Tesla coil stats, why its 360-degree aim beats a facing turret, the mistake of front-lining it, and the achievement that requires it in Orc Problem.
Turret Roles: Power, Support and Cleanup Explained
Why stacking one turret type stalls out in Sir, We Have an Orc Problem, and how the power, support and cleanup split shows what your defence lacks.
The Upgrade Tree and How Much Grinding It Takes
Measured playtime from 600 Steam reviews, how the win-or-lose resource economy works, and the fastest way to fund the branches that actually scale.
Seven turrets, three jobs
The game gives you seven turret types and a meta-progression tree that upgrades them using resources from every run, won or lost. That last part is from Mumpitz Games' own store description, and it matters: a failed attempt is not wasted, so the correct response to a wall is usually to keep playing rather than to restart the level immediately.
What the store page does not tell you is that the turrets are not interchangeable damage sources. A player guide by itsuno and a longer strategy write-up on Steam both converge on the same framing: turrets fall into power, support and cleanup roles, and a defence built entirely from one role stalls out no matter how much you have upgraded it.
Why stacking your favourite turret stops working
Power turrets — cannon and laser — carry the raw damage. They have the pierce to cut through a column of orcs, but their fire rates are low enough that a handful of survivors walk straight past them.
Cleanup turrets — the gunner and the tesla coil — fire fast and reliably at whatever leaked. The tesla coil is the strongest of these because it aims through 360 degrees and chains between targets, so it does not care which direction the leak came from.
Support turrets — grenade launcher, mortar, flamethrower — do comparatively little damage but change how the wave moves. The grenade launcher slows by 60% and makes slowed orcs take 30% more damage. The mortar's knockback can physically hold a choke point shut. The flamethrower adds a damage amp and a chance not to consume pierce, which quietly makes every turret behind it better.
The numbers are player-measured, not official
Mumpitz Games has not published turret stats. Everything on the all turrets page comes from a stat sheet posted by the Steam user Mrlazy on 31 July 2026, and we label it that way on the page itself.
We have not independently verified those figures against the game build, and turret balance has already changed once — update 2026.08.02.13.35 shipped four days after launch. If you find a number that no longer matches, it is the sheet that is out of date, not you.
What is in this section
Start with all turrets if you want the raw stat table. Read turret roles if your defence keeps collapsing despite everything being upgraded — that is usually a composition problem rather than an upgrade problem. Read abilities if you are attempting the no-turret achievement, because that one is won entirely with the four click abilities.
What is not here
No upgrade-tree cost table and no per-level enemy counts. Both would need to be read out of the game build, and no source we consider reliable has published them. We would rather leave the gap than copy numbers from a site that cannot say where it got them.